What Is Par In Golf? (As Explained by Someone Who Rarely Achieves It)

Hey there, fellow golf enthusiasts and curious onlookers! Linda Parker here, your friendly neighborhood golf addict from sunny San Diego.

Today, we’re diving into the mysterious world of “par” in golf. Buckle up, because this ride might be bumpier than my last round at Torrey Pines South Course.

(Spoiler alert: I lost more balls than I care to admit. Let’s just say the pro shop made a killing on me that day.)

So, What the Hell is Par Anyway?

Alright, let’s get down to brass tacks. In golf, “par” is basically the number of strokes a decent golfer should take to complete a hole or an entire course.

It’s like the “you must be this tall to ride” sign at amusement parks, except in golf, it’s more like “you must suck this little to feel good about yourself.”

Each hole on a golf course is assigned a par value, typically 3, 4, or 5 (and occasionally 6 for those sadistic course designers who hate us mere mortals).

The total of these individual hole pars gives you the par for the entire course. For example, a standard 18-hole course usually has a par of 70 to 72.

Now, here’s where it gets fun. Par is supposed to include two putts per hole.

So, on a par-4, the idea is that you’ll hit your tee shot, then an approach shot onto the green, followed by two putts. Easy peasy, right?

cue hysterical laughter

Let me tell you, the day I consistently hit greens in regulation is the day I trade in my beloved Callaway driver for a set of lawn darts.

(Side note: Is it just me, or does anyone else think lawn darts sound way more fun and potentially less frustrating than golf? No? Just me? Okay, moving on.)

Par vs. Reality: A Tale of Two Scorecards

In theory, par is achievable. In practice? Well, let’s just say my relationship with par is about as stable as my putting stroke after three glasses of Napa Valley‘s finest Cabernet Sauvignon.

Take, for instance, my last round at Aviara Golf Club. Hole 3 is a seemingly innocuous par-4. The card says 389 yards.

To the pros, that’s a driver and a wedge. To me? It’s more like a driver, a fairway wood, a chunk, a blade, and a prayer.

Here’s how it usually goes down:

1. Tee shot: Slice it into the trees. (Why do I always aim left? The trees are clearly magnetic.)
2. Second shot: Attempt to thread the needle between two oaks. Hit a squirrel instead. (Sorry, little buddy!)
3. Third shot: Finally reach the fairway. Progress!
4. Fourth shot: Chunk it. Because why make life easy?
5. Fifth shot: Blade it over the green. (At least I’m consistent in my inconsistency.)
6. Sixth shot: Chip on.
7. Two-putt for a smooth triple bogey.

And just like that, a par-4 becomes a Linda-7. It’s like golf course alchemy, except instead of turning lead into gold, I’m turning pars into double bogeys.

The Par Conspiracy: Is It All a Big Lie?

Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if par is just a giant conspiracy cooked up by golf course designers, club manufacturers, and the spirits of long-dead Scottish shepherds.

Think about it. Have you ever met anyone who consistently shoots par?

I mean, sure, there are those mythical creatures known as “scratch golfers,” but I’m pretty sure they’re about as real as the Loch Ness Monster or a golf ball that never slices.

I have a theory that par was invented solely to keep us buying new clubs, taking lessons, and coming back for more punishment.

It’s like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit, except the carrot is made of titanium and costs $500.

Speaking of expensive carrots, can we talk about golf club prices for a second?

I recently went to upgrade my driver (because clearly, that’s the source of all my problems), and I swear, I needed to take out a second mortgage.

$600 for a big stick? Are they made of unobtanium? Do they come with a built-in GPS and a mini-fridge?

But I digress. Back to par.

Par at Famous SoCal Courses: A Comedy of Errors

Living in San Diego, I’m spoiled for choice when it comes to golf courses. But let me tell you, these beautiful bastards can be as cruel as they are stunning.

Take Torrey Pines South, for example. Home of the Farmers Insurance Open and the 2021 U.S. Open. Par 72. Sounds reasonable, right? Wrong. So, so wrong.

I played there last month, and let’s just say my score looked more like a phone number than a golf score.

The 12th hole, a par 4, has this green that’s about as receptive as a bouncy castle. I swear I saw my ball land, give me a little wave, and then roll right off the back. Rude.

Then there’s Coronado Golf Course. Beautiful views of the San Diego skyline, gentle ocean breezes, and more water hazards than a SeaWorld exhibit.

Par 72 again. My score? Let’s just say I lost count somewhere around the 14th hole and started using Roman numerals.

But you know what? Even when I’m shooting scores that would make a cricket player blush, I can’t help but love it.

There’s something magical about standing on the 18th tee at Torrey Pines, the sun setting over the Pacific, a cool breeze in your hair, and the knowledge that no matter how badly you’ve played, there’s always the 19th hole.

(Pro tip: The fish tacos and margaritas at the Lodge at Torrey Pines are almost good enough to make you forget about your scorecard. Almost.)

The Quest for Par: Tips from a Self-Proclaimed Expert (at Failing)

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Linda, with all this experience not making par, surely you must have some tips for us mere mortals?”

Well, buckle up, buttercup. Here’s my foolproof guide to almost achieving par:

1. Invest in a Good Range Finder: Nothing says “I’m serious about golf” like spending $300 on a device to tell you exactly how far you are from the pin you’re about to miss.
2. Perfect Your Pre-Shot Routine: Mine involves three practice swings, two deep breaths, and one silent prayer to the golf gods. Effectiveness may vary.
3. Master the Art of the Foot Wedge: Sometimes, your ball just needs a little encouragement to find its way out of the rough. (Disclaimer: Not actually recommended. Unless no one’s looking.)
4. Learn to Love Your Putter: It’s the only club you use on every hole. Unless you’re me, in which case you might be using your sand wedge on every hole. (Those greenside bunkers are magnetic, I swear.)
5. Embrace the Power of Positive Thinking: Instead of “don’t hit it in the water,” try “hit it somewhere dry.” It probably won’t help, but at least you’ll feel better about yourself.
6. Invest in Golf Lessons: Because sometimes, you need a professional to tell you that yes, you really do suck that much.

The Truth About Par (As Told by Someone Who Rarely Sees It)

Here’s the thing about par that took me way too long to figure out: it’s a guideline, not a rule.

It’s like the Pirate Code in “Pirates of the Caribbean” – more of a suggestion, really.

The dirty little secret? Most recreational golfers don’t play to par.

According to the USGA, the average golf handicap for men is around 14, and for women, it’s about 27.

That means most of us are shooting in the 80s and 90s on a par-72 course. And you know what? That’s perfectly okay.

Golf isn’t about achieving par every time (unless you’re one of those annoyingly talented PGA Tour pros).

It’s about challenging yourself, enjoying the outdoors, and having a great excuse to day-drink with friends on a perfectly manicured lawn.

So the next time you’re standing on the first tee, driver in hand, feeling the weight of par on your shoulders, remember this: par is just a number.

Your enjoyment of the game doesn’t have to be tied to that number any more than your self-worth should be tied to the number on the scale.

(Although if anyone has tips for either of those things, I’m all ears.)

In Conclusion: Par for the Course

At the end of the day, whether you’re shooting even par or “even par plus 20,” the important thing is that you’re out there, swinging away, and hopefully having a good time doing it.

Remember, golf is a game. A frustrating, expensive, time-consuming game that will make you question your life choices and possibly your sanity. But a game nonetheless.

So the next time someone asks you, “What’s par?” you can confidently answer, “It’s that thing I see on my scorecard but rarely on my ball.”

And then buy them a drink, because if they’re asking about par, they probably need one as badly as you do.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a tee time to make. Those golf balls aren’t going to lose themselves in the pond on the 8th hole at Balboa Park Golf Course.

Fore!